This is what keeps you going on

I’ve had so many problems with making my mind up about my future, lately.

What will I be?
What do I want to be?
How can I manage that?
Will it work?

Everybody in the 12th grade on the edge of starting a new life should ask one’s self those questions and I mostly did while lying in bed in the evening, finding myself unable to sleep because it breaks me down. I’m definitely terrified about the future, not in a good way, not like excited, but more like please don’t make me do this. But I’ve found something that may keep me up for the time being.

I finally found something that I really want to do, but my world wouldn’t collapse if I couldn’t do it. I want to study Game-Design and become a Game-Artist, designing computer and other game console games, building up beautiful stories and world’s, even if they are just virtually. I wanna catch the people like they caught me with their beautiful work. I’ve always played Sacred, Siedler, Vampire the Masquerade, just because of the story, because of the way they made those games. Siedler is certainly not the most beautiful piece of artwork, but it’s fascinating (I’m talking about the old versions ). I wanna do games where there’s no unnecessary killing, not because ‘oh hey let’s put some guns there, that’s cool’. The games should make sense and well… I really wanna do this.

I just don’t know where exactly. There are a few private univercities and colleges, which offer this kinda of bachelor (and master), but most of them are too far away from here or cost a fucking lot of money. But I will manage this, I really want it, and I know I can do it.

The most appealing one was the MD.H in Düsseldorf, but that would cost 800€ per month, and I really cannot affort this. I have to wait for the German parliament to decide on the tuition fee and well… But I still want to. Even if I have to move to Zurich for this, I will do it!

Fuck yeah!